I am so sorry I was unable to make you well again. I hope you know how much I love you; today when I said good-bye was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Dr. Stutka agreed that it was time, you had simply lost far too much weight, and were facing a slow death by starvation. I simply could not let that happen to you.
I remember the first time I saw you. You were born on my brother R's acreage in or near a pipe in tall grass in the shelter of an old building. I can recall seeing this tiny orange kitten climbing out of the pipe and upon seeing me arching your little back and fluffing up your fur to challenge me. Once we were able to catch you, you turned on the purrs showing the gentle and loving cat you truly were.
I admit I had decided I didn't want you, I was prepared to only take one of the six kittens, and had my eye on a little black kitten instead. But my daughter D fell for you and said you would be her cat so I agreed to take you home along with your sister Shady.
As the introductions were made to the other cats it was apparent Sasha was simply resigned to your addition. He looked at us as if to say, "again? Really?" Silver took an instant dislike to both of you - mind you she really didn't like any other cat but Sasha anyway. That never stopped you from trying though, with the occasional scratch on your nose to show for it. Sami, on the other hand, became your new mom. She bathed and cared for the two of you, meted out discipline, even as you grew bigger than she was.
And big is what you became; it was pretty apparent your Papa was probably a big tom as you reached 22 lbs. at your largest. You never realized how large you were and would try to cuddle up on my chest as I slept at night cutting off my ability to breath and always waking me. And yet, it took me quite awhile to realize that you been losing weight last spring, in fact, DeNeice was the first to notice how thin you were becoming.
I think you knew something was going to happen today. I woke, still able to breath, as you curled up on my chest. You were so light I barely realized you were there. On the way to the vet, a trip you normally cried contnually, you were quiet until we were just a few blocks away. When they moved us into the quiet room, you spent some time checking it out before settling down beside me for a few last moments of loving. I am grateful for these last few memories and will cherish them forever.
Goodbye, sweet Silas - I am certain you are playing with Shady today in a warm place full of treats, toys and with your health restored. Thank you for being my special boy...I will love you forever.
Love,
Mom
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Friday, 21 October 2011
Decision time
I arrived home tonight, pleased with the progress made this week at work, and grateful to be home. The feelings of happiness were short-lived however. While I was away, Silas' health has declined sharply and it was quite apparent I can no longer put off the decision I've been dreading since last spring.
When he was diagnosed with cancer in April, the veternarian wrote on his discharge papers a recommendation for euthenasia if he wasn't doing well. At that time I wasn't certain how long he would be with us because Silas was losing weight at a rapid rate of nearly a pound (a little less than a 1/2 kilogram) a week. With his new diet, though, he seemed to rally and the weight loss slowed down.
Tonight however, when I weighed him I realized he had lost another pound. I had set a limit in my mind - I would not allow Silas to drop below seven pounds. I know there are many cats who are this weight normally, however at his heaviest Silas reached 22 pounds; at 7 pounds he would be less than 1/3 of this amount. I refuse to allow him to starve to death and I fear this is what he is currently facing.
Tonight I will hold my special boy close, shower him with kisses and love, and say farewell. Tomorrow I'll see him on his way to cross the bridge to his sister Shady. Tonight I am at peace with my decision. Tomorrow may be a different matter.
When he was diagnosed with cancer in April, the veternarian wrote on his discharge papers a recommendation for euthenasia if he wasn't doing well. At that time I wasn't certain how long he would be with us because Silas was losing weight at a rapid rate of nearly a pound (a little less than a 1/2 kilogram) a week. With his new diet, though, he seemed to rally and the weight loss slowed down.
Tonight however, when I weighed him I realized he had lost another pound. I had set a limit in my mind - I would not allow Silas to drop below seven pounds. I know there are many cats who are this weight normally, however at his heaviest Silas reached 22 pounds; at 7 pounds he would be less than 1/3 of this amount. I refuse to allow him to starve to death and I fear this is what he is currently facing.
Tonight I will hold my special boy close, shower him with kisses and love, and say farewell. Tomorrow I'll see him on his way to cross the bridge to his sister Shady. Tonight I am at peace with my decision. Tomorrow may be a different matter.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Leaving town
I fly out to Calgary tomorrow for a week and I've decided not to take both laptops with me, just the one I use for work. The security profile (because I can't think what else to call it) is very high on that laptop...as it should be...so I expect I won't have access to my blog. I know for certain I won't have access to my personal e-mail or Facebook. Maybe that's a good thing!
The thought of slogging two laptop bags through security just doesn't seem to make it worthwhile. It never fails that my laptop bag gets selected for the "swab" test. What I find most humorous is that there is tag attached to the bag that indicates it is the property of the government of Canada. To all the CBSA agents out there - in the grand scheme of things we work for the same employer - why on earth would I use a government owned property for illegal purposes. I like my job and intend to keep it!
I've also had the dubious pleasure of being selected for a pat down. With my body shape I sometimes wonder if they're thinking "it can't possibly be fat, can it?". It can, and it is, and while it's been awhile since anyone touched me, I'd prefer a young good looking male agent if you must choose me! So far I haven't been chosen for the x-ray or whatever it's called that lets them see below your clothing....eewww.
Having left you with a mental picture you had no desire to see, this will be the last post for a few days. Have a great week!
The thought of slogging two laptop bags through security just doesn't seem to make it worthwhile. It never fails that my laptop bag gets selected for the "swab" test. What I find most humorous is that there is tag attached to the bag that indicates it is the property of the government of Canada. To all the CBSA agents out there - in the grand scheme of things we work for the same employer - why on earth would I use a government owned property for illegal purposes. I like my job and intend to keep it!
I've also had the dubious pleasure of being selected for a pat down. With my body shape I sometimes wonder if they're thinking "it can't possibly be fat, can it?". It can, and it is, and while it's been awhile since anyone touched me, I'd prefer a young good looking male agent if you must choose me! So far I haven't been chosen for the x-ray or whatever it's called that lets them see below your clothing....eewww.
Having left you with a mental picture you had no desire to see, this will be the last post for a few days. Have a great week!
Saturday, 15 October 2011
It's Saturday...make that Caturday
Here's some recent pic's of my favorite cats! Hope you like them too!!!
Sami and Sasha napping on the couch - Sasha makes a great pillow.
Sleepy Silas snuggled up on Mom's bed.
Sasha found place to sleep all by himself.
Saku and his favorite blanket...he purrs and kneads and loves it to bits.
Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!
Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!
Friday, 14 October 2011
OMG it's October!
It's not as though I didn't know what month it was but it's suddenly hit me that we're almost halfway through the month. In some ways I'd been dreading the arrival of October because I knew that it was going to be a busy time for me. It's definitely been that and more. 
September is the start of the new performance cycle, with performance appraisals due by the end of October. Although I keep on top of these throughout the year I cannot complete my reviews until the supervisors meet as a group to calibrate the ratings. We finally had that meeting the first week of October.
October also brings our annual fundraising campaign for charity. It's pretty much a month long event with a number of events planned. I've been on the committee for 2 years now and despite our pre-planning it always seems that we scramble to get everything done on time. Kickoff was yesterday, it went well, but I have to say if it wasn't for one of the co-chairs it might not have been such a success. At the last minute there were a couple of committee members suddenly remembering things that needed to be done. Thankfully she'd anticipated the issues and had ensured all the little details were handled.
This year, my time is stretched even more as I'm off to our Calgary office for a week of training and then at the end of the month to Ottawa for still another week. As a result I have one week in between the two trips to complete my discussions and get the reports completed. It doesn't leave a lot of time, especially if someone wants to dispute the rating they achieved.
In the meantime I'm preparing for a staffing process to be posted in mid-December. There is the poster to be completed, an exam and a marking grid that needs to be into the regional HR advisor by mid-November. I've only just got this task started so I'm planning to get some of it done during the evenings in the hotel next week.
Time is flying by - is it any wonder I've just realized it's already mid-October? I feel pretty good - so far I'm keeping up with the deadlines. And even better, on the second day of our fundraising campaign we've reached 43% of our goal!!!
September is the start of the new performance cycle, with performance appraisals due by the end of October. Although I keep on top of these throughout the year I cannot complete my reviews until the supervisors meet as a group to calibrate the ratings. We finally had that meeting the first week of October.
October also brings our annual fundraising campaign for charity. It's pretty much a month long event with a number of events planned. I've been on the committee for 2 years now and despite our pre-planning it always seems that we scramble to get everything done on time. Kickoff was yesterday, it went well, but I have to say if it wasn't for one of the co-chairs it might not have been such a success. At the last minute there were a couple of committee members suddenly remembering things that needed to be done. Thankfully she'd anticipated the issues and had ensured all the little details were handled.
This year, my time is stretched even more as I'm off to our Calgary office for a week of training and then at the end of the month to Ottawa for still another week. As a result I have one week in between the two trips to complete my discussions and get the reports completed. It doesn't leave a lot of time, especially if someone wants to dispute the rating they achieved.
In the meantime I'm preparing for a staffing process to be posted in mid-December. There is the poster to be completed, an exam and a marking grid that needs to be into the regional HR advisor by mid-November. I've only just got this task started so I'm planning to get some of it done during the evenings in the hotel next week.
Time is flying by - is it any wonder I've just realized it's already mid-October? I feel pretty good - so far I'm keeping up with the deadlines. And even better, on the second day of our fundraising campaign we've reached 43% of our goal!!!
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
Family feud
Today is my youngest (and only) sister's birthday. We haven't spoken to one another for over three years. The last time we spent any time together was at my father's funeral in September 2008. Even then we probably said no more than a dozen words to each other.
We haven't gotten along for most of our lives, practically since birth. She was born less than eighteen months after me and we shared a bed and a room for many years. Even then we were very different, she was shy and quiet, I was more emotional, loud and and often demanding.
Mom had a story she told that highlighted the differences. Until I went to school she would ask us what we wanted for lunch. I would answer peanut butter and honey sandwiches. The first day I was away at school Mom asked the same question and my sister's answer was peanut butter and jam sandwiches.
Because we were so close in age, my Mom dressed us the same much of the time. I can recall the dresses we wore in our Grade 2 and Grade 1 pictures, mine had orange flowers, my sister had yellow flowers. As the elder of the two I hated it - I have no idea how my sister felt about it.
After we left home we eventually found ourselves in the same city and lived together in a rental home for a short period of time. I was still the wild child at this time, spending a lot of time partying, and worked simply to live. However, that time came to an end when I discovered I was pregnant with my oldest child. I was 21 years old.
My life changed dramatically at the birth of my child. I left the home I shared with my sister, had my daughter, moved to my hometown, and as events unfolded ended up moving to the city I now live in. Eventually my son was born here too.
Initially my sister was the special aunty, inviting my children to spend time with her in her home, lunch and dinner out and shopping for treats were the norm. They had a great time with her and I truly appreciated the break. It was around this time she met her first husband, he too had a young child around the same age as my daughter, and the two girls enjoyed each other's company.
However, she eventually divorced from her first husband and got involved with a man who was less than enthused with spending time with any of our family, let alone my children. We generally saw them at Christmas time but that was about it. They were together for at least ten years and her relationship with most family members became strained. She became vocally judgmental about the way I chose to raise my children to the point of making inappropriate (and unappreciated) comments in front of them.
With the end of her relationship she had the financial and emotional freedom to do as she wanted. Within the next few months she met, moved in with, and married her current husband. They enjoy travelling together and spending time with friends. They live within a half hour of our older brother but neither sibling has made any effort to spend time together.
We've done a 180, she's now the social butterfly and I am the homebody. We continue to look at life differently as we have all of our lives. I find it difficult to forgive her for the things she has said about me and my life to my children and family members. And I know that whatever it is that she holds against me continues based on comments she's made to our cousin the only family member with whom she remains in contact.
As time goes on, I have to wonder if we'll ever get past our differences. Somehow I don't think so - we can choose our friends but not our family. And if we weren't family I'm certain we wouldn't be friends.
We haven't gotten along for most of our lives, practically since birth. She was born less than eighteen months after me and we shared a bed and a room for many years. Even then we were very different, she was shy and quiet, I was more emotional, loud and and often demanding.
Mom had a story she told that highlighted the differences. Until I went to school she would ask us what we wanted for lunch. I would answer peanut butter and honey sandwiches. The first day I was away at school Mom asked the same question and my sister's answer was peanut butter and jam sandwiches.
Because we were so close in age, my Mom dressed us the same much of the time. I can recall the dresses we wore in our Grade 2 and Grade 1 pictures, mine had orange flowers, my sister had yellow flowers. As the elder of the two I hated it - I have no idea how my sister felt about it.
After we left home we eventually found ourselves in the same city and lived together in a rental home for a short period of time. I was still the wild child at this time, spending a lot of time partying, and worked simply to live. However, that time came to an end when I discovered I was pregnant with my oldest child. I was 21 years old.
My life changed dramatically at the birth of my child. I left the home I shared with my sister, had my daughter, moved to my hometown, and as events unfolded ended up moving to the city I now live in. Eventually my son was born here too.
Initially my sister was the special aunty, inviting my children to spend time with her in her home, lunch and dinner out and shopping for treats were the norm. They had a great time with her and I truly appreciated the break. It was around this time she met her first husband, he too had a young child around the same age as my daughter, and the two girls enjoyed each other's company.
However, she eventually divorced from her first husband and got involved with a man who was less than enthused with spending time with any of our family, let alone my children. We generally saw them at Christmas time but that was about it. They were together for at least ten years and her relationship with most family members became strained. She became vocally judgmental about the way I chose to raise my children to the point of making inappropriate (and unappreciated) comments in front of them.
With the end of her relationship she had the financial and emotional freedom to do as she wanted. Within the next few months she met, moved in with, and married her current husband. They enjoy travelling together and spending time with friends. They live within a half hour of our older brother but neither sibling has made any effort to spend time together.
We've done a 180, she's now the social butterfly and I am the homebody. We continue to look at life differently as we have all of our lives. I find it difficult to forgive her for the things she has said about me and my life to my children and family members. And I know that whatever it is that she holds against me continues based on comments she's made to our cousin the only family member with whom she remains in contact.
As time goes on, I have to wonder if we'll ever get past our differences. Somehow I don't think so - we can choose our friends but not our family. And if we weren't family I'm certain we wouldn't be friends.
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
A blog snob?
Since discovering the blogging world...I know, I know...I'm so far behind I've been lapped...anyway, I've been reading a lot of blogs and I've learned something about myself that I have decided to share.
Some blogs I read for their gardening tips, craft ideas, or recipes. Others I read because their stories make me laugh or cry, or touch my heart in some way. Most often I don't know the writers or their families. Often I follow or add a blog to my favorites because the writer draws me in to their life and makes me feel welcome.
Of course, I also seek out and follow cat blogs...my kitties like to hear the stories of othermasters and their slaves cats and their servants humans. This way I can live vicariously through someone who has more cats than I!
I've also added a couple of sites to help me with my writing. I write for myself mostly, as a way to journal my ideas and thoughts. But I also hope my posts can be thought provoking or at the very least, reasonably interesting. I spend time editing the posts (though reading back through some of them...not always so well. Cringe!)
I ensure I edit my posts because I know when I start reading a blog with several typos or mis-spelled words I have a tendency not to continue reading. I found this post at Quick Writing Tips expresses my thoughts far better than I could ever do.
Does that make me a blog snob?
Some blogs I read for their gardening tips, craft ideas, or recipes. Others I read because their stories make me laugh or cry, or touch my heart in some way. Most often I don't know the writers or their families. Often I follow or add a blog to my favorites because the writer draws me in to their life and makes me feel welcome.
Of course, I also seek out and follow cat blogs...my kitties like to hear the stories of other
I've also added a couple of sites to help me with my writing. I write for myself mostly, as a way to journal my ideas and thoughts. But I also hope my posts can be thought provoking or at the very least, reasonably interesting. I spend time editing the posts (though reading back through some of them...not always so well. Cringe!)
I ensure I edit my posts because I know when I start reading a blog with several typos or mis-spelled words I have a tendency not to continue reading. I found this post at Quick Writing Tips expresses my thoughts far better than I could ever do.
Does that make me a blog snob?
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